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Grunty
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The LNER still stands on its original bogeys in a plot of land, gradually expanding as Dennis moves the fences a few inches every year. The fences are made of old hospital beds which rattle in the wind because the legs are full of pills hidden there by patients long ago. The LNER faces the Great Puddle which inexplicably is deeper at the edges than in the middle. The Sheds The LNER is surrounded by a great many sheds devoted to different uses. The most important is the Miscellaneous Shed containing most of Dennis’s most valuable possessions, including a large number of old sofas. When short of money he goes sofa mining into the upholstery and sometimes finds a zloty. The Miscellaneous Shed also houses the Warm Bucket left to Dennis by his grandfather. The bucket contains an unidentified glutinous substance which remains warm in the coldest weather. Dennis believes that one day he will harness its power and become rich. Also in the Miscellaneous Shed are the Statue of Liberty standard lamp and Dennis’s Thinking Chair which assists problem solving. The walls of the Miscellaneous Shed are built entirely of old doors so that potential thieves cannot find the true entrance. Other sheds include the Mustard and Cress Shed (devoted to growing mustard and cress), the Bicycle Shed, the Mangle (or Laundry) Shed, and the Office Shed which houses a collection of typewriters, all of which have mechanical faults but which when used together can achieve a perfect text. Dennis uses the punctuation typewriter first and then fills in the words on the other machines. The Ark Shed is designed to float when necessary. Among the sheds stands the Hen Coop Car - the hulk of a Wolseley saloon car formerly owned by the Metropolitan Police but now home to a flock of hens known as the Flying Squad. Beyond the boundaries of this outpost of shacks and sheds is a vast sweep of flat fenland broken only by looping lines of pylons going off into the misty distance. When Dennis was a little boy he used to kick the pylons to make the lights blink in Piccadilly. |