| Life Begins at Seventy | |
Act 1 Scene 1 can be read in the scrolling window below
Life Begins at Seventy ACT I Scene 1 BETTY: Hello Dorothy. DOROTHY: Mmm? BETTY: Hello? DOROTHY: Oh, yes. Hello. BETTY: Am I late? DOROTHY: Mmm? BETTY: Am I late? DOROTHY: Oh. I dunno. BETTY: Right so what are we going to do today? DOROTHY: I don't mind. BETTY: Shall I have a cup of tea while we decide then? DOROTHY: If you like. BETTY: Right then. (BETTY summons a waitress, who appears from off stage.) Just a cup of tea please. Unless you want something Dorothy? DOROTHY: (Who is still fiddling with her 'phone.) Mmm? BETTY: Just a cup of tea. (The WAITRESS exits.) So, how have you been? DOROTHY: OK. Thanks. BETTY: Been up to much since last week? DOROTHY: Not much. BETTY: Right. Well, I can see that I am in for a fun afternoon. Betty, your challenge is to get Dorothy to say a sentence of more than three words. DOROTHY: What? Sorry. It's this damned thing! BETTY: Your 'phone? DOROTHY: Yes. BETTY: Have you forgotten how to work it? DOROTHY: I've lost a message. BETTY: What do you mean? DOROTHY: I had a message and now it's gone. BETTY: You deleted it? DOROTHY: No, I didn't delete it. I didn't even read it. BETTY: Are you sure it was a message? DOROTHY: What? BETTY: Did it beep? DOROTHY: Yes. BETTY: Well, maybe it was a reminder. Meeting the glamorous Betty at two o'clock. DOROTHY: No, that can't be right. Glamorous? I only know one Betty and that is you. BETTY: Ha, ha. Well, did it just beep or did the message picture come up? DOROTHY: I got the message icon. BETTY: Icon! Get you. DOROTHY: There's nothing wrong with using the correct terminology. BETTY: Well, you must have deleted it then. DOROTHY: I didn't. BETTY: Bet you did. Pass it here. DOROTHY passes her the phone. DOROTHY: It's so annoying. BETTY: (Pressing buttons) There's no message. DOROTHY: Thanks. I'm glad you came. BETTY: Nothing at all. Here. (She passes it back.) DOROTHY: So. Where's it gone? BETTY: You must have deleted it. DOROTHY: But I didn't. BETTY: OK then. It was a message but not from this world. It was a sign. Yes, that's it, it was a message from God. DOROTHY: Sorry? BETTY: What have you been up to Dot? God wants a word. DOROTHY: What are you talking about? BETTY: It was a sign. Telling you to repent your sins. The WAITRESS arrives with the tea. She hangs about a bit, but when it is clear that neither of the ladies is going to speak again until she leaves, she goes off with the tray. BETTY: (Laughs) Yes, more than likely. You still go don't you? On Sundays. DOROTHY: Yes. BETTY: I don't see why you bother. DOROTHY: You used to go. BETTY: Only because it was expected of you. That's how it was in them days. I never believed. DOROTHY: Really? BETTY: Yes. I reckon half the people there never believed. People went because everyone else did. I've got better things to do on a Sunday morning. BETTY: You mean you actually believe in God? DOROTHY: Yes. BETTY: Still? BETTY: I don't know. Habit? Maybe you just never grew out of it. DOROTHY: Grew out of it? BETTY: Yes. DOROTHY: I grew out of believing in Santa Clause. I grew out of believing in the Tooth Fairy. You don't grow out of believing in God. Not if you really believe. You might be right. Maybe most of the people who used to get dressed up and go to church every Sunday only did it because it was expected of them, but for me it was always important: an honour and a privilege to be in the house of God. BETTY: Wow! DOROTHY: I make no apology. I love my God. He is always with me. BETTY: What's got into you today? DOROTHY: Well, you did ask. BETTY: He's with you? DOROTHY: Yes. BETTY: My God! DOROTHY: Yes, and mine too. BETTY: Oh no, not mine. I'm a confirmed atheist. DOROTHY: Fine BETTY: Aren't you going to argue? DOROTHY: Why should I? BETTY: Aren't you supposed to save me or something? DOROTHY: Do you want saving? BETTY: No. DOROTHY: That's fine then. BETTY: I mean. It doesn't bother you that I don't believe? DOROTHY: Not at all. God doesn't believe in atheists. BETTY: I didn't know you were so into it. DOROTHY: It's important to me, but I don't go round preaching. Live and let live. BETTY: Is that why you've been keeping it secret? DOROTHY: I haven't. BETTY: Well. I think it's great. I'm pleased for you. Really, I am. You are one of a dying breed. DOROTHY: Why do you say that? BETTY: What? DOROTHY: Dying breed. BETTY: Well, they're all ancient aren't they? Congregations. DOROTHY: We get some young people at the church. BETTY: Not many I bet. It all sounds a bit 19th century. Do you pray before you go to bed? DOROTHY: Yes. I don't know what you are imagining. It's not all long nightdresses and going to bed with a candle you know. BETTY: Listen, if you want to go to bed with a candle that's your affair. DOROTHY: Very funny. BETTY: I've just got this image of you kneeling beside your bed saying your prayers. DOROTHY: Not with my knees. If you must know I just say a few words after I have brushed my teeth. BETTY: Does it give you a ring of confidence? DOROTHY: (Laughs.) That's good. For you. DOROTHY: Well, it's not really something people talk about. BETTY: Are you ashamed? DOROTHY: Of course not. BETTY: So why the secrecy? DOROTHY: There is no secrecy. It's never come up before, that's all. BETTY: Well, it changes things doesn't it? DOROTHY: Don't be ridiculous. BETTY: How can I have a serious conversation with someone who believes we are all descended from Adam and Eve? DOROTHY: I never said that. BETTY: You mean you don't believe that? DOROTHY: No. BETTY: You can pick and choose can you? DOROTHY: It's an allusion. You shouldn't take the bible literally. BETTY: Shouldn't you be campaigning to have Einstein banned from schools? Do you want to give up our afternoons to stand in the square with a placard yelling at passers-by? DOROTHY: Firstly, I don't think that there are many people, regardless of how fervently religious they may be, who would argue with the theory of relativity... BETTY: Sorry? DOROTHY: I think you mean Darwin, and secondly, believing in God does not make me a nutter. BETTY: Oh no. You've always been a nutter. DOROTHY: Thank you. BETTY: Wait a minute. Hold it just a second. I've seen you on a Sunday. Lots of times. DOROTHY: Yes? BETTY: In ASDA! DOROTHY: So? BETTY: Shopping on a Sunday! DOROTHY: Oh behave. BETTY: You don't believe in that either? The Lords day and all that. DOROTHY: Give it a rest now Betty. BETTY: Caught you out have I? DOROTHY: Betty! Look, I don't want to fall out. You brought the subject up, now kindly drop it. BETTY: Why are you getting angry? DOROTHY: Betty! BETTY: But I don't understand. Why don't you want to talk about it? You've just revealed something to me which is, well, quite shocking really. To be honest. DOROTHY: Why? It isn't a big deal is it? What has changed? Now, I'm happy to talk to you more about this subject if it intrigues you so much, but, right now, we need to decide what we are doing this afternoon. BETTY: OK, OK. What time is it? DOROTHY: Half past. BETTY: Still time to go to the cinema then? DOROTHY: Is that what you would like to do? BETTY: Well, it would make a change. DOROTHY: What's on? BETTY: I couldn’t possibly tell you. With these multiplexes there's a list as long as your arm. DOROTHY: I don't know if I fancy it. BETTY: You always say that. DOROTHY: I don't. BETTY: When did we last go to the cinema? DOROTHY: I don't remember. BETTY: Exactly. DOROTHY: I like it when they show the old films. BETTY: Most of the new films are remakes of old ones anyway. DOROTHY: Well, I don't fancy it today, anyway. BETTY: What then? DOROTHY: I don't mind. BETTY: It's no good just sitting there saying ‘I don't mind.’ Come up with a suggestion. DOROTHY: I'm thinking. BETTY: We ought to plan in advance. Before we say goodbye we have to decide what we are going to do next week. OK? DOROTHY: Yes, all right. We can pop into the cinema and see what's on next Wednesday if you like. BETTY: Actually, I need to speak to you about next week. DOROTHY: Oh? BETTY: Yes. I was wondering if we could meet on Thursday instead. DOROTHY: Why? BETTY: For a change. DOROTHY: What's wrong with Wednesday? BETTY: Nothing. I just thought you might like to meet on Thursdays that's all. DOROTHY: Thursdays. Plural? You mean from now on?. BETTY: Yes. Maybe. DOROTHY: But Wednesday is pensioners’ afternoon at the cinema. BETTY: So? You never fancy it. DOROTHY: I might do if I knew what was on. BETTY: I'll believe it when I see it. DOROTHY: We've always met on Wednesdays. BETTY: I know. It's just that there are these old time dancing classes and... DOROTHY: I'm sorry? BETTY: I thought that... DOROTHY: Old time dancing? BETTY: Yes. DOROTHY: Since when have you been interested in old time dancing? BETTY: I'm branching out. DOROTHY: And you say that I belong to a dying breed. BETTY: It helps keep you fit. DOROTHY: Says whom? BETTY: Well... DOROTHY: Betty? BETTY: Er... DOROTHY: There's something you’re not telling me. BETTY: It's just, well... DOROTHY: Does he have a name? BETTY: Tom. DOROTHY: Tom? BETTY: Yes. DOROTHY: And Tom wants to take you old time dancing? BETTY: Yes. DOROTHY: I see. So where did you meet Tom? BETTY: In ASDA. We were buying suet. DOROTHY: And they say romance is dead. BETTY: I couldn't reach the packet. And we got talking. DOROTHY: I see. BETTY: He said he likes dumplings. DOROTHY: Hmm. BETTY: We had a bit of a laugh about it. You know. I said 'All men do'. DOROTHY: And then he asked you to go old time dancing with him? BETTY: Well, after a bit, yes. DOROTHY: I see. BETTY: What does that mean? 'I see'. DOROTHY: Nothing. BETTY: Michael's been dead seven years you know. DOROTHY: I know that. BETTY: Am I supposed to remain faithful to his memory? Is that a religious thing? DOROTHY: Don't be silly. It just, well, it's been quite a day for revelations hasn't it? BETTY: I suppose so. DOROTHY: You've never shown any great interest in finding yourself a man before. BETTY: I haven't 'found myself a man'. We just got talking and he has asked me out, that's all. DOROTHY: I just... I don't really see what you want a man for. BETTY: You mean you've forgotten? DOROTHY: Come on Betty. You're seventy two! BETTY: Well, we're only going dancing. Anyway, I thought it might be nice. I didn't know that you were going to object. DOROTHY: I don't object. BETTY: No? DOROTHY: Of course not. BETTY: But you disapprove? DOROTHY: No, I don't disapprove either. There's no reason why we shouldn't have men friends. BETTY: Oh aye? We? Are you looking as well? DOROTHY: Don't be ridiculous. And what do you mean as well? You claimed that you just happened to get talking. BETTY: Well yes, but I won't pretend that I haven't occasionally thought it might be nice to have a man about the place again. I'm not saying that that is going to be Tom. I've only just met him, but if we did get close, well, why not? DOROTHY: Why? BETTY: To be honest? Company I suppose. DOROTHY: Are you lonely? BETTY: Occasionally. DOROTHY: Really? BETTY: Yes. Aren't you? DOROTHY: No. BETTY: Never? DOROTHY: Not really. But you see, my Frank died over twenty years ago. I've got used to it. The thought of having a man about the place now, well, I don't know where I would put him for a start. BETTY: Well, you always were the independent one. DOROTHY: I didn't realise that you were lonely. You should have said. BETTY: Oh, I'm fine most of time. Let's face it, Michael was away with his job half the time anyway, so I should be used to being on my own. And, of course now, John and his wife always invite me over for Christmas and they bring the kids to see Grandma whenever they can. It's just, every now and then, I think that it might be nice to have someone to cook for, you know what I mean. DOROTHY: I suppose so. BETTY: Mind, it's a bit early to be talking like this. He's invited me dancing that's all. I might not even like him. DOROTHY: Well, I hope you do and I wish you well. BETTY: So you don't mind meeting next Thursday instead of Wednesday. DOROTHY: Of course not. Now, what are we going to do today, whilst there is still some of the day left. BETTY: You choose. DOROTHY: Well, I don't really... BETTY: If you say you don't mind again, I'm going to thump you. DOROTHY: OK. Let's go into the city centre then. I wouldn't mind a browse around Waterstone's. BETTY: Waterstone's it is then. You finished your tea? DOROTHY: Before you came in. BETTY: Right. What are we waiting for? Let's get there before they close. Oh, have you got some change for the bus? DOROTHY: What do you mean, have you forgotten your pass? BETTY: No, I was just thinking; what you said before. DOROTHY: When? BETTY: You said God is with you, right? DOROTHY: (Tetchy) Yes. BETTY: Well, you can pay his fare. He's not with me! DOROTHY: (Getting up) Tcch. Go on! BETTY: (Getting up) Oh of course. He's over two thousand years old. He'll have a bus pass as well.
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